This week is National Infertility Awareness Week and as a way to increase awareness Resolve has started the “Bust an Infertility Myth Blog Challenge.” I have chosen to bust the myth that infertility is God’s way of telling someone not to have children. I picked this topic to address because faith is a large part of my infertility journey and theological issues are kind of my full-time job as a seminary student. I will be speaking from a post-modern Christian perspective, but that does not mean that those of other faiths cannot find helpful information. I could probably write a book on this myth alone, but I’ll try to keep this short and to the point.
My first response to this statement is, “How you do know what God is telling me?” I,m sure there are a few people out there that can honestly see infertility as God guiding them in a different direction in life, and I do not doubt or discredit those individuals/couples. However, for most of us on this journey it is rather a question of “why me?” and “how do we fix this?” If a person has cancer do you tell her that God is telling her that she is going to die? If someone is in a tragic accident do you tell him that God wanted you to be disabled? Then why tell an infertile person/couple that God does not want to bless them with children? I believe that God instills desires in our hearts for a reason and for those struggling with infertility one desire is parenthood. Infertility has done a lot of things to my life but one thing it has not done is diminished my desire to be a mom, if anything it has increased it.
Second, I feel this statement is a direct attack on an individual's or couple's ability to parent. This may be a personal statement more than a theological one but I do not think that makes it any less valid. When someone hits me with this myth I get a little defensive. With all the cases of child abuse/neglect and shows like 16 and pregnant, I feel like I am being told that these people will make better parents than I would. I realize that this is not the intention of the statement (at least I truly hope not) but you have to understand that a woman undergoing infertility treatment does not always think clearly.
Lastly, “barren women” have some great company. Imagine if Sarah and Abraham had believe that God would not bless them with a child even though they were told otherwise, and at their age I think they had a right to think that. In fact Sarah’s first response to the promise was laughter, the same response she had when Isaac was born. Hannah is a woman whose weeping prayers for a child were answered with the birth of Samuel. Then there is Rachel, her son Joseph was the answer to her pleas. And we cannot forget Elizabeth, the barren woman that was blessed with John (the Baptist). I would say that is some pretty good company. These women did not always believe that they would conceive, but with faith they gave birth to some of the greatest men of the Bible.
Like I said before I could write a considerable amount on this topic, but I think this will suffice to bust the myth. I truly believe that God will bless us with a child whether that is with the help of fertility medications, IVF, surrogacy, or adoption. I do NOT believe God is telling me not to have children.
My first response to this statement is, “How you do know what God is telling me?” I,m sure there are a few people out there that can honestly see infertility as God guiding them in a different direction in life, and I do not doubt or discredit those individuals/couples. However, for most of us on this journey it is rather a question of “why me?” and “how do we fix this?” If a person has cancer do you tell her that God is telling her that she is going to die? If someone is in a tragic accident do you tell him that God wanted you to be disabled? Then why tell an infertile person/couple that God does not want to bless them with children? I believe that God instills desires in our hearts for a reason and for those struggling with infertility one desire is parenthood. Infertility has done a lot of things to my life but one thing it has not done is diminished my desire to be a mom, if anything it has increased it.
Second, I feel this statement is a direct attack on an individual's or couple's ability to parent. This may be a personal statement more than a theological one but I do not think that makes it any less valid. When someone hits me with this myth I get a little defensive. With all the cases of child abuse/neglect and shows like 16 and pregnant, I feel like I am being told that these people will make better parents than I would. I realize that this is not the intention of the statement (at least I truly hope not) but you have to understand that a woman undergoing infertility treatment does not always think clearly.
Lastly, “barren women” have some great company. Imagine if Sarah and Abraham had believe that God would not bless them with a child even though they were told otherwise, and at their age I think they had a right to think that. In fact Sarah’s first response to the promise was laughter, the same response she had when Isaac was born. Hannah is a woman whose weeping prayers for a child were answered with the birth of Samuel. Then there is Rachel, her son Joseph was the answer to her pleas. And we cannot forget Elizabeth, the barren woman that was blessed with John (the Baptist). I would say that is some pretty good company. These women did not always believe that they would conceive, but with faith they gave birth to some of the greatest men of the Bible.
Like I said before I could write a considerable amount on this topic, but I think this will suffice to bust the myth. I truly believe that God will bless us with a child whether that is with the help of fertility medications, IVF, surrogacy, or adoption. I do NOT believe God is telling me not to have children.
You bring up a good point about what this statement implies as a potential mother. I have never thought about it in the sense that by telling someone that this was just "God's plan" for you to not have children immediately you have subsequently told them that they would not be suitable parents. It makes sense to me that this statement doubles as an insult to your ability to parent, but also presumes that they have knowledge of what exactly it is that God has planned for you or is telling you.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I just found you on the myth list and just added you on to my blogroll. I am also following you now. Welcome to the blogosphere and this amazing community of support!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this...My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for some time now and I have been questioning whether or not God ever wanted me to be a mother. But your words give me hope and make me realize that I must have faith. Keep up the inspiring point of view, it is refreshing!
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