Yesterday was the day we found if the Femara help my follicles reach their full potential on a good timeline. That means another ultrasound, I am getting so sick of doing them but it is necessary. The Femara doesn’t have as many side effects as Clomid but it does have a warning not to drive or operate machinery until you know how it affect you. I was not to concern about this since I only have a 2.5 mg dosage, but come to find out it puts me to sleep like no other. I took a lot of three hour naps last weeks. From the start of our visit today I wasn’t doing well, there was a younger couple in the waiting room that just had a 4D ultrasound done and were gushing over the printouts. I don’t hate pregnant people, but it is defiantly hard to deal with some things like this. I am not usually in the best state of mind before my ultrasounds anyway, and this was sending me over the edge. I even said to Jeremy, “I wish they could do that somewhere else.” It is hard to explain to others that have/are not experienced/ing infertility, and I know it is irrational and selfish but it happens. Thankfully we got call back before I could break down. We are at the point now that they don’t even give me instructions to prep for the ultrasound, we just go straight in there and I do my thing. (I get my ultrasounds done at my ob/gyn’s office instead of my RE’s office because of insurance coverage.) There were lots of follicles which is good, but no dominant follicles which is not good. I had not given to much hope to the follicles being good this early in my cycle but it was still disappointing. I had told Jeremy I just had a feeling this drug wasn’t going to work.
The call from the RE’s office a few hours later confirmed my suspicions. First of all I was asleep when they called and when Jeremy woke me up I freaked out because I thought I had missed my ultrasound altogether. It was funny after the fact. Anyway, the conversation with the RE office is one I would have rather not had. They were not happy with the ultrasound results, and gave me a couple of options. I could go up there and get a blood test done to confirm the ultrasound – which is pretty much useless. Or we just “cancel the cycle” now, in other words there isn’t anything else we can do this month. As if my hope was not already shatter, she also told me that it is highly unusual for women not to respond well on their first round of Femara. I wanted to tell her that I was the definition of highly unusual. It is possible that we will not even try a second round of Femara and go straight to injectables. That is a big step for multiple reasons. The obvious is that no one wants to have to inject themselves with something and the second is cost. Shots are exponentially more than pills, and then there are higher risks as well. Our RE called it the “triplet medicine,” my friend and I have joked about triplets in the past but with the possibility looming in the future it isn’t as funny. That is a bridge will cross if we come to it, I’ll be happy with however many babies God blesses us with at once. Needless to say, I’m not in the best place mentally right now. It is difficult to get all the good news we did last month and not be disappointed when it doesn’t happen the way we want right away. As much as I know it is not my fault, this is the first time I thought maybe there was something I could have done differently. And I know that is probably not true and I need to be patient, we’ll hopefully find something that works. It gets really hard at times though, and that is part of the reason that many people struggling with infertility chose to remind silent. This seemingly little thing touches every part of our lives. I just have to continue to rely on God to see us through this storm.
No comments:
Post a Comment