This week is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) and
like last year Resolve is promoting a blog challenge. This year’s theme is “Don’t
Ignore…” I chose to say, Don’t ignore the lasting effects of infertility. I
chose this because as I sit here 37 weeks pregnant infertility still has a hold
on me. One would think that when an infertile woman finally gets two pink lines
on that little stick she is ecstatic. And maybe some are, but I was not. My
first reaction was shock and then fear. Since we got pregnant during an unmonitored
cycle I felt like I had no control and did not know how much faith to put in
that little stick. We also found out on a holiday weekend so we had to wait
three days before we could talk to our health care providers. When we finally
did get a blood test confirmation I had already been taking progesterone supplements
with the hope that everything would be okay. If you have followed my blog you
know I had a few episodes of spotting during the first trimester. I sure any
pregnant woman that experiences this goes through a roller coaster of emotions,
but for me there was the added what ifs. What if I miscarry and I can’t get
pregnant again? How long do we keep trying? I have tried very hard not to take
this pregnancy for granted because even now I know this could be the only time
I am able to have this experience. I hope it is not but I am going to cherish
the fact that I got it and acknowledge that it may or may not happen again.
Pregnancy is not a cure for infertility, as I have said over and over again the
experience has affected every part of our lives. It has changed the way we view
life and help us appreciate what we have. It changed our relationships with
family, friends, and God. It drastically changed our plans for the future. And
there are still times when I wonder what life would have been like without
infertility. I do not think I can ever say that I am thankful for infertility
because that would be a lie, but I do know that the struggle has made us
stronger. I would not be the person I am today without infertility, which is
both a good and bad thing. I can still hold bitterness for not being able to
have children the way I wanted or when I wanted. But I also know more about how
my body works than I ever thought I would and I have valued my pregnancy more
than I would have had this been “easy”. I hold a special bond with those that are
still on the journey to parenthood because although I am about to achieve what
we all want, I know the struggle and emotions that can only be felt in that
time of hopelessness. I cannot wait to hold our little boy and let him know
that I have been fighting for him for a very long time and that he is a
wonderful blessing.
For those that have been following our story, here is a
short update. Things have been going fairly well. The blood pressure medication
has been doing its job for the most part. The first week of it was pretty tough
as it made me really sick, I now understand why so many people stop taking
their blood pressure medication. But I stuck it out and I am doing pretty well
now, although I have had some spikes in my readings. Noah is growing well; he
has measured a little on the big side for a while and apparently has a large
head. The only concern now is that he is breeched. We are trying all kinds of
natural ways to get him to turn before labor begins but if he does not we still
have options. They might be able to turn him from the outside and induce right
away or we might just have to have a c-section. A caesarean was not my first
option as I was hoping to do this as natural as possible but at this point I
know I need to do what is best for the baby and me. And to be honest this baby
can come any time now and I’ll be happy.
·
http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 (Basic
understanding of the disease of infertility.)
