There are times when I still cannot believe this is
happening, we are pregnant! We have reached a milestone that seemed so far off
if not impossible for so long. The truth is I still see myself as having
infertility, only blessed with the exception. Infertility and endometriosis are
still important parts of who I am and always will be, they have shape me, my
husband, and our relationship in ways we could have never foreseen. I like to
hope that it has also changed the lives of others if only that they are more
aware, understanding, and compassionate towards those suffering from
reproductive disorders and infertility. I am not shy about the fact that it
cost us a lot to get our miracle baby and that there are a lot of factors that
often are left unseen during infertility treatment. Pregnancy is not a complete
cure for infertility; I have been changed by this disease in many ways both
good and not so good. I will remain an advocate for infertility education and
care no matter how many pregnancies and babies we are blessed with.
As for an update on this pregnancy, it has been a wild ride
thus far for sure with no signs of slowing down. I wish I could say pregnancy
is the best experience of my life, but at this point that would be a lie. I
always said I would not complain about pregnancy symptoms because some of them
are very similar to those experienced with infertility treatment only with
pregnancy it is because hormones are being produced to sustain a new life as
oppose to injected hormones with the hope of follicle growth and ultimately
pregnancy. But pregnancy brings about its own new challenges emotionally and
physically. Honestly for the first trimester I did not allow myself to fully
appreciate and take joy in fact that a life was growing inside of me. That
sounds a little harsh I am sure but my history of infertility coupled with
endometriosis increases the odds of miscarriage greatly. I just could not allow
for myself to get my hopes up especially when I experienced bright red spotting
between the 7th and 11th weeks. I had to continue use of
progesterone supplements, yet another reminder that “normal” and pregnancy are not in the cards for me.
When
you are pregnant every woman that has ever had a child seems to tell you their
pregnancy and birth stories. Sometimes I feel bad when someone asks how I’m
feeling and my reply is, “Not so great.” Morning sickness is normal and for me
it has been an adventure, I have to say that I am very thankful for the drug
Zofran. Many people have told me I should feel better this trimester, I am
still waiting on that. But if this is what it takes to have a child I can
endure, vomiting is a heck of lot cheaper than hCG shots. The baby has been
doing well and I not only got to hear the heartbeat but hear the baby move. The
only concern right now is my blood pressure, it is a little high. I might have to
go on medication for that in the future but I’m thankful that we were vigilant
and caught it now, so we can better prevent complications such as preeclampsia.
As long as the baby is healthy, I am happy.
This Christmas is going to be great even if finances are a
little tight as we catch up from all the medical costs it took us to get this
far and to maintain this pregnancy. We got the best gift we could have hoped
for, and truly I cannot ask for more. As I reflect on last year at this time,
it really is amazing the difference a year makes. Treatments were not going
well at this time last year, school had become overwhelming, and I was
depressed. Who would have thought all of that would be completely different
this year. We are going to have a baby in less than six months, school went
better than expected (and I finished finals on time), and I am pretty happy. My baby bump seems to get bigger by the day
and I’ll admit I enjoy showing it off. At the end of next week we will find out
the gender, Jeremy is betting on a girl. We’ll see.
