Endo and Me

I have something growing inside of me and it has a life of its own, but it is not a child. It is endometriosis. It is my worst enemy, yet it is with me every moment. It tries to control my life and unfortunately it often succeeds.

            I have suffered from endo for over 12 years, and over that time I have experience all of the symptoms associated with the disease. I have sat in the E.R. as a woman has told me, “It’s just your period,” or a doctor has said “I think you are constipated.” I was told I was weak, had IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), the flu, or worse. At 19 I had to have a dilation and curettage for heavy bleeding. I spent six years on various different types of birth control simply seeking relief. I have lain passed out on the bathroom floor from the intensity of pain, and waken up wishing I could die. I’ve missed events because I knew there would not be hourly bathroom access. I dropped a quarter of school because the pain and affects had consumed by body and I have taken a slew of medications in search of anything to function as “normal.” I continue to endure other related medical conditions as well.

            I said this to shed light on this disease; over 5 million women in the United States suffer from endometriosis. There is NO cure. We have been taught not to talk about our “woman issues,” that cramping is normal you just need to suck it up, some women bleed heavy, and no one gets pregnant right away. And for those reasons it is believed that millions still sit in silence and pain. The only way to prove the present of endometriosis is through laparoscopic surgery where adhesions can be identified. There are various treatments but many bring on more issues than they solve, a hysterectomy may provide relief but does not necessarily eliminate recurrence. In essence the battle with endo becomes a life sentence.  

            At the moment I have decided to hold off treatment in the hopes of starting a family. Endo is one of the leading causes of infertility making the pursuit even more difficulty (though not impossible). The realization for me as of late is that it is growing back faster than I ever thought it would. I can feel it making its presence known daily and getting progressively worse. I try several things to relieve the pain, most of which consist of denial. Although, I had a HSG (hysterosalpingogram) to make sure my tubes were open (which was an experience in itself) it does not take long for the endo to settle in an area. The frequent pain is a reminder that we are working with borrowed time and keeps me praying for the endo to stay at a minimum.