Preparing

Since the last time I wrote it feels like time is moving at rapid speed. We had a couple baby showers with family and friends and we started putting the nursery together. It is so surreal to see all this baby stuff in our house for our baby. I went shopping with my mom to pick up the rest of the stuff we “need” and almost cried at the register. Then I realized that the amount I paid for a cart full of baby stuff would not have even covered a month of injections this time last year. It was another one of those little things that makes me appreciate how fortunate we are to be blessed with a child.

We are about half way through our 32^nd week now and have started appointments every week along with a BPP (biophysical profile). The BPP is an ultrasound to make sure that Noah is growing like he should and everything else is doing well. No this is not “normal” but my blood pressure is still a little high so they are taking all the precautionary measures. I am starting meds to help keep the blood pressure down and get to do all kinds of fun tests. Today I get to collect my urine for 24 hours to check to proteins and it has to be kept in the fridge, which I think is kind of funny. Even though my bp is high and I feel like I am swelling up like a balloon, Noah is doing great. He scored an 8/8 this week on the BPP and is a big baby for his age at just over 5 pounds. And as much as the reason for the weekly ultrasounds is not a comforting thing it is nice to get to see our baby’s little face in 4D once a week.

With a little over 7 weeks until our due date, I’ll be happy to get through about 5 and half more. I just need to take care of myself by resting and drinking plenty of water. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband that makes sure I get my feet up and the water down.

Also, I know it is almost the end of the month but I want to point out that it is National Endometriosis Awareness month. If you have kept up with my blog you know how much this disease has affected my family and me. There are an estimated 3-5 million women in the United States living with endo and 30-40% of those women will experience some form of infertility. Please, familiarize yourself with the symptoms of this disease so that you can help identify it in yourself or someone you love. Some facts on endometriosis can be found here.          

Only a few more months

This time last year we were getting prepare to see a reproductive endocrinologist, now we are getting prepare to bring baby Noah into the world. We have less than 100 days until our due date! The second trimester has been much better than the first (although it took a while to get there). I feel like I have been eating nonstop and I am about to buy a cow to save on milk cost. I would not trade this for anything though. I told Jeremy last night that there are times I want it to be May and other times I just want to cherish each and every moment of this time. If this is the only time that I am able to carry our biological child, I do not want to take it for granted. I am also ready to see his little face. As we approach that day we have taken both birthing and breastfeeding class. We realized that we are about as prepare as we can be for what is to come, mostly because I read all the time and Jeremy has delivered a baby already. Even though we are busy getting things situated for our new addition, the world does not stop for us. So, I am back to school for a couple classes, although it is likely that we will be a family of three before they end. I know I am a little crazy but for financial reasons it was the best plan and honestly with this being my 22^nd consecutive year of school I do not know how to function without it.

Amazingly, by the grace of God, I have not really been completely overwhelmed. I have my moments of mini freak outs that are usually about nonsensical things, like having to eat hospital food for a day or two. Silly, I know. I have to thank everyone for the continued encouragement and prayers along this part of our journey, we had the potential for complications early and so far they have been avoided. As with any pregnancy we just hope for a healthy baby and mama, and if everything goes according to our birth plan that is just icing on the cake.  

It's a...

A couple weeks ago we had our 20 week ultrasound to find out the sex of our little one. It’s a boy! Jeremy was wrong, haha, not that I think he minds at all. Everyone asked me what I thought it was but I really did not have any idea. I am just ecstatic that everything looks great so far, seeing the four cambers of his heart working was more precious to me than seeing that “little thing”.  As hard and lasting as the effects of our infertility are and will be, I am grateful for the life inside of me that I might otherwise take for granted. I am not saying that others to do appreciation and value their unborn babies, but that because of infertility I believe I have a different perspective of what is going on inside of me. I am also aware of how my pregnancy can make other infertile friends feel, I understand the jealously and anger they may feel. I have been there. And trust me this is a road that is very difficult to understand from the outside. I know the emotions others have are not directed towards me but just the frustration and questioning that comes from infertility. I do not know why our journey was rather short compared to some; all I know is that we have been blessed beyond our expectations.

It is starting to feel more real now as it is 2012 and our little guy will be here before we know it. We have started a registry and are working on getting the “nursery” set up, he is going to have to share his room with mommy’s study for now. I have been able to feel him move for about six weeks now and he certainly likes to move around. He was also able to give his daddy a Christmas gift of feeling a good “kick”. I know those are things that most expected mothers love but they are extra important to us. I literally broke down when Jeremy was able to feel him because there were many days in the past few years where I thought that would never be possible. It is crazy to think that we will be able to hold him in just a few more months. He is going to be one spoiled baby too; he will be the first grandchild on my side of the family. And his soon to be cousin and he will be vying for that title come spring on daddy’s side. So not only will we be parents but aunt and uncle come May (or sooner). It so crazy how fast life can change, and I cannot wait to experience the ups and downs that parenthood will bring.

Below are a couple “pictures” of our little guy and one of the growing bump.  

    

Blessings

There are times when I still cannot believe this is happening, we are pregnant! We have reached a milestone that seemed so far off if not impossible for so long. The truth is I still see myself as having infertility, only blessed with the exception. Infertility and endometriosis are still important parts of who I am and always will be, they have shape me, my husband, and our relationship in ways we could have never foreseen. I like to hope that it has also changed the lives of others if only that they are more aware, understanding, and compassionate towards those suffering from reproductive disorders and infertility. I am not shy about the fact that it cost us a lot to get our miracle baby and that there are a lot of factors that often are left unseen during infertility treatment. Pregnancy is not a complete cure for infertility; I have been changed by this disease in many ways both good and not so good. I will remain an advocate for infertility education and care no matter how many pregnancies and babies we are blessed with.

As for an update on this pregnancy, it has been a wild ride thus far for sure with no signs of slowing down. I wish I could say pregnancy is the best experience of my life, but at this point that would be a lie. I always said I would not complain about pregnancy symptoms because some of them are very similar to those experienced with infertility treatment only with pregnancy it is because hormones are being produced to sustain a new life as oppose to injected hormones with the hope of follicle growth and ultimately pregnancy. But pregnancy brings about its own new challenges emotionally and physically. Honestly for the first trimester I did not allow myself to fully appreciate and take joy in fact that a life was growing inside of me. That sounds a little harsh I am sure but my history of infertility coupled with endometriosis increases the odds of miscarriage greatly. I just could not allow for myself to get my hopes up especially when I experienced bright red spotting between the 7^th and 11^th weeks. I had to continue use of progesterone supplements, yet another reminder that “normal” and pregnancy are not in the cards for me.

            When you are pregnant every woman that has ever had a child seems to tell you their pregnancy and birth stories. Sometimes I feel bad when someone asks how I’m feeling and my reply is, “Not so great.” Morning sickness is normal and for me it has been an adventure, I have to say that I am very thankful for the drug Zofran. Many people have told me I should feel better this trimester, I am still waiting on that. But if this is what it takes to have a child I can endure, vomiting is a heck of lot cheaper than hCG shots. The baby has been doing well and I not only got to hear the heartbeat but hear the baby move. The only concern right now is my blood pressure, it is a little high. I might have to go on medication for that in the future but I’m thankful that we were vigilant and caught it now, so we can better prevent complications such as preeclampsia. As long as the baby is healthy, I am happy.           

This Christmas is going to be great even if finances are a little tight as we catch up from all the medical costs it took us to get this far and to maintain this pregnancy. We got the best gift we could have hoped for, and truly I cannot ask for more. As I reflect on last year at this time, it really is amazing the difference a year makes. Treatments were not going well at this time last year, school had become overwhelming, and I was depressed. Who would have thought all of that would be completely different this year. We are going to have a baby in less than six months, school went better than expected (and I finished finals on time), and I am pretty happy.  My baby bump seems to get bigger by the day and I’ll admit I enjoy showing it off. At the end of next week we will find out the gender, Jeremy is betting on a girl. We’ll see. 

What We Are Expecting...

Last post I mention that our plan to do an IUI in September did not happen. Well, we now know what is to coming next on this journey. My husband, Jeremy made this short video that chronicles our path thus far and what is ahead.
 





I have to thank our long time chiropractor as he is the one that found a combination of supplements I am currently taking. Without him we would not be at this point, and as always though we have planned our course God has directed our path.

Giving Infertility a Voice

Yet again it has been a while since I have updated. Mostly because things have not gone as we had planned the last couple months and also because school is a big priority right now. I am sorry that it has taken so long for an update and that this will not be much of one. I wanted to share a part of Redbook magazine’s No Shame Campaign, call The Truth About Trying: Infertility Stories from Celebrities and Women Like You. It provides a place for women and men to openly talk about infertility and the way it affects their lives. If you have followed my story you know some of the ways this happens, but we are some of the “lucky ones”. We found out early, we have great insurance that covers some procedures, and family and friends that have supported us through this journey. Please take a few minutes to listen to a couple of stories from these women that have struggled with infertility.

            Our story is not yet over and I should have an update in a couple weeks to let you all know what we should be expecting in the future. And remember that one in eight couples struggle with infertility so someone you know is most likely suffering from this disease. Please do your part by listening to the voice infertility is still trying to find.               

Stepping up the Game

     I know it has been awhile since I updated and that is mostly because we took last cycle off of treatments and I decided to give myself a mental vacation from the infertility world. Well, as much as I could. Since, the last go around was unsuccessful we met with a new doctor. We are super excited about this change as we feel this clinic actually sees us as people and most importantly listens to us. It helps that insurance covers some of the procedures there too. After looking at all of our records, the doctor could tell we had been doing all that we could but he was not really sure that the pervious clinic was holding up their end of the deal. I completely agreed. He was very direct and to the point and because all previous attempts were unsuccessful we all agreed it was time to step up the game. In infertility treatment that means IUI, intrauterine insemination.

    IUI is exactly what it sounds like, artificial insemination that takes place inside of the uterus. Good thing is it does not mean a lot of changes from previous treatment. I’ll still do all the ultrasounds, blood draws, and shots but at the end we will go to the clinic for insemination instead of doing things the “natural way.” This is what we assumed would be the next step so we were not surprise, but it is a little disappointing that it has come to this. It is kind of like the finally straw that says, this really is not going to happen naturally for us at all. Insemination makes it sound like a sure thing, which is far from true. Given my situation and current treatment I have around a 20% chance of becoming pregnant during a cycle, IUI will increase our odds to about 25%. I know it does not seem like much but at this point even a half a percent is a big deal. We are hopeful that the next few months will be our time because the step after IUI is a large one. IVF (in vitro fertilization) would hold much higher success rates for a couple our age, but is a lot more demanding in all aspects. It is a multi month journey, with the usual procedures plus egg retrievals and fertilizations. It also comes with a very large price tag and ethical concerns. IVF is still a forbidden land for some, especially specific Christian communities. To be honest it was one of those arguable topics that I did not take a real stand on until it became personal. When I realized that it is a possibility that IVF could be the only way I could carry my own biological child, it did not seem like such a bad thing. We do that often; don’t care until it directly affects us. I can clearly see both the arguments for and against IVF, and know that if our time requires IVF it will present new challenges.  I really hope that is not where we are headed but I cannot ignore that is likely. In the next couple weeks I am going to use this space to look at the ethical, emotional, and mental concerns of both IUI and IVF.